Monday, August 24, 2009

Pucker Snafus!

So. (I've noticed I start a lot of my posts with 'SO'..& I'm ok with that!). SO...in trying to keep my mind off the nausea & backache/cramping/wanting-to-die (which WebMD, FitPregnancy & Google, inform me is normal w/ early pregnancy..which I should probably know..I mean, I AM a nurse..btw if any of you mammas out there have anything you'd like to inform me of, warn me of, or scare me with...please, PLEASE divulge your secrets! Holly, I'm talking to YOU!) AHEM!! I digress....

In trying to distract myself, I found this funny little blurb on MSN about kissing, informing me of the multiple ways in which you can 'Kill The Kiss'! For those of us out there that were/are free with their lips (sorry, mom!), these 'Kiss Killers' are old news. But that definitely doesn't keep them from being funny..especially when they made me recall my own experiences!


Kiss Killer #1: Attack of the Mouth! Just like it sounds: full on assault! I dated this guy right before my hubby, who must've thought kissing was a contact sport that required a helmet & full set of pads! Or fake lips. I was so excited for our first kiss (you know how it is!). The anticipation was killing me! I just KNEW it was going to happen...he inched closer...closer...& then DOVE onto my face! Suction in full force, teeth gnawing ferociously! I went with it for a couple minutes, thinking maybe he'd get tired (haha). No such luck! When I started tasting blood, I decided to call it quits..kissing is supposed to be fun, & THIS was worse than going to the dentist! I lost chunks of my lower lip to that experience!

Kiss Killer #2: The Grandma Peck. You know..that chaste little, closed lipped dab. And, OK, I'll admit that any grandma kissing I've experienced has been completely & totally my fault. I call(ed) them pity kisses. And you shouldn't do it, ladies!!! It just gives hope where there is none!! Unfortunately, I didn't realize how heartless this was until I was out of highschool..sorry to all the boys I pity kissed!!

Kiss Killer #3: Bad Breath. *sigh* I've probably also been guilty of this one with my hubby. My philosphy is if everyone eats the garlic & onions..it doesn't matter! Right? According to my hubby, WRONG!! He is a stickler for good breath..so if I want any action, I brush, floss, Listerine etc...all in hopes of a good smooch :)

Kiss Killer #4: Going Off-Target. This is my favorite!! So (there's that 'SO' again!). Imagine a romantic setting: candles flickering, sexy music playin'...I'm trying to be all seductive & go in for some nice, hot lip action!! I'm really gettin' into the kiss (which, in all reality, is only nanoseconds in) when I realize 'Man, Jeff's tongue feels really weird! It's kinda knobby!' Jeff then snorts & pushes me away!

'Um, babe, um, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!'

'I'm kissing you..I think..'

'Yeah, uh, that's my nose!'

Oh. OK. Wow. My bad! haha :) Who knew sucking on someones nose could be so sexy!! As a disclaimer, though: It was dark, ok?!

Anywho, I'd like to hear your guys' funny stories...so 'fess up, people!! Oh, and give me the dirt on being prego!

Thanks!

8 comments:

Wendy Anderson said...

Ha ha Meg your hilarious!!

jessica emily adams said...

You make me laugh.
Seriously.
(My favorite word is seriously. Have you noticed? Seriously?)

Chelsea said...

Meg I have a funny story. I read your blog last night before I went to bed and I had a dream that I went to kiss someone and they didnt have a lower lip. So I felt like the worst kisser. Haha.

Us said...

Congratulations! Your life is going to turn upside down with a little one! Being a mom is the best!

matesen said...

You are so dang funny! So, (I use so a lot too, oh well:) for me the nausea ended around 15 weeks. Lots of people would say to me that it would last the whole time, but there usually is an end! Hopefully your end of feeling pukey is near!

Kakes said...

Ha, ha, ha. Well when I was pregnant... just kidding. Haven't ever been pregnant yet... But I once had a guy try to be sexy and kiss my ear, but all he did was jab his tounge into my ear with full force like a sword a few times before I pulled away in fear he would puncture my ear drum. Ha, ha. Good times. :)

That one girl said...

Okay, I just got on here because I haven't been on blogs in forever and I wanted to see how YOU were doing!!! So, how are you doing?!?!

Anyway, I don't know how I missed this post because I read the one after this AND you even mentioned me! I feel soo rude!

So (I do it too.), of course I have a lot to say regarding pregnancy but the first is everyone is different, take advice with a grain of salt and if you don't want to listen to someone, don't! Also, kissing,lol, for about the first half of my pregnancy I could french my husband. The smell of breath, even freshly brushed made my stomach turn. Everything made my stomach turn except lemonaid and Thanksgiving sandwiches. I'm not sure how many of those I had.

My question to you is, how fare along are you now??? AND, when did the nausea kick in? OH, and how is the exercise going?!?! Research Dr. Clapp, he has some great stuff regarding exercise and pregnancy!!!!

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