Monday, May 26, 2008

Living

I was asked tonight by a patient if my job makes me live in fear. This isn't the first time I've been asked this question..or at least a similar one, by patients or their families. And I have to admit that some days every mole is cancerous, every bruise is hiding leukemia. But I didn't want to say this to my patient..her reality is rough enough right now and she doesn't need to deal with my problems. But I hate being fake and shallow, and I wanted to give her and honest answer. So off the top of my head all I could think of was 'No. It makes me live in love.' And that was good enough for her. So she rolled over and went back to sleep (it's 2 AM, no one should be up right now!). And I walked out of her room. But now as I'm sitting down to chart, her question comes back..and my answer. I'd just said what first came to my mind. But the more I think about it..it's true. I'm constantly reminding myself that no matter what I do, I may not be able to prevent the people I love, or myself, from some day facing cancer, or a car accident, or any other terrible, life changing event. And so, with that continuously in my thoughts, I've decided I don't ever want to miss a chance to say I love you. To snuggle and hug and talk..and laugh. I don't want to waste time bickering over things that don't matter (laundry, dishes, missed phone calls, etc). I'm always reading the newspaper and shaking my head at how sad the stories are..always thinking 'I'm so glad it's not me.' It's always someone else. But one day, you are the someone else. And I think that that is one of the greatest blessings of my job: every day I come here..I walk away more determined to live my life in love! I know it sounds corny, and I know when I read this a few days from now I'll wonder what I was thinking. But it's true :) So, to all my family and friends..I don't tell you this enough: I LOVE YOU!

5 comments:

Jen said...

To tell you the truth--I needed a little attitude adjustment today. So thanks for that. Love you too--You are such a great person and a wonderful friend.

matesen said...

Thanks so much for this comment. Lately I get irritated easily and I just need to be thankful for how easy my life is. I had a similar experience last week on a day when I was feeling sorry for myself. We are so lucky to work somewhere that constantly reminds us how blessed we are.

Snyder Family said...

I love that you always look at the postive things in life. I love you and miss you.

Cheryl said...

Thanks for that girlfriend...I needed to hear that. I think sometimes we get caught up in the everyday crap and forget that we are so lucky to have what we have. You are so awesome in everyday..and I'm lucky I have you as a great friend:) I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!

Wendy Anderson said...

You are right Meg, as much as I complain about work I really should focus more on what I have because I am so lucky really, thank you I really needed an attitude adjustment before I came back to work fri and sat becuase man I had some horrible attitude on Monday at work so THANKS!! Maybe if I focus on the good then these last few weeks of pregnancy will just fly by because I absolutely can't wait to be a mom and I am so blessed to be able to have that opportunity!! Your awesome!