Wednesday, August 20, 2008

You know you're a nurse if....

I was reading through an old email of mine..and these crack me up every time..because they're true, true, true! All my nursing gals will agree..and if you guys thing of anymore..let me know!

*discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
*you have the bladder capacity of five people
*you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase, "wow, it is really quiet" is uttered
*you mutter, "great veins" when being introduced to a complete stranger (this ruined many a good date for me, btw)
*you believe chocolate is a food group :)
*you have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
*you think that caffeine should be available in IV form. (It is, btw, but not to a poor, stressed out nurse!!)
*you have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control..not to mention CHEMOTHERAPY..yikes!
*you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"...this is scary, people..AND TRUE!!
*your feet are flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's (they also need nightly massages...if only!!)
*your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the back yard!!
*you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants
*you refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors." I know this is morbid, but if you don't wear a helmet..IT'S TRUE!
*you are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.
*your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat..which would be anything my hubby makes..YUM!
*you've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots."
*you've ever sworn you are going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest...I WILL do this at some point..the things I've seen....ugh
*the front of your scrubs reads “Nurses…here to save your butt, not kiss it!” I actually had a nursing prof who had this one her license plate frame..I thought it was hilarious!
*you believe some patients are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
*you recognize that you can’t cure stupid.
*you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
*you believe there’s a special place for the inventor of the call light.
*you believe that saying “it can’t get any worse” causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
*you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom..I'm conviced I have most of the scary viruses out there already, actually :)
*you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
*you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil...fat chopsticks, people!
*eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
*you’ve placed a bet on someone’s blood alcohol level.
*you’ve told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help..hehe:)
*you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
*your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays...I feel bad for Jeff when we watch House & Scrubs!
*you don’t get excited about blood, unless it’s your own...and even then, it's iffy!
*your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change...this is when codes ALWAYS happen..never, ever fails!
*you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
*you’ve had to leave a patient’s room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...the things we hear!


Jen said...

you totally brightened my day with this. I love being a nurse there is really no other job in the world quite like and no one makes an impact like an oncology nurse :)

matesen said...

Those are so funny and so true! I definitely think that we have the most interesting job ever!

Doney Days said...

You are so funny Meg! Thanks for your advice on the Canker Sore. I really think I'm going to try the Listerine next time. I can't believe how bad it's gotten. The sore is gone now, but because I bit it so many times it looks horrible. I bit it like 3 more times today! Also, thanks for your concern with Zane. I'm really just praying that it's nothing, just how his urine is. I'm excited you'll be living close to me soon!

Cheryl said...

I totally love it!! I especially love the part when people need licenses to reproduce...its so true..the people we meet...WOW..
BUT...I do love my job...I'll love it even better when my paycheck gets bigger:):):) LOVE YA...we need to get together again...maybe just the girls so we can gossip about the goods:)!

Wendy Anderson said...

Ha ha ha I LOVE IT!!

Doney Days said...

You are so nice to me! You made my day. After turning 30 and having 3 kids, it's hard to feel very cute. I love ya!

Mandy said...

Hey hey! Sorry I didn't reply to your text this weekend. I was camping with Adam. It was an adventure, to say the least. :) I may be cutting back, but I'm not quitting the caffeine so we'll have to get some soon!